Happy New Year!

My oldest daughter, L.A. Girl, is in kindergarten. But this is not your father’s kindergarten. Hell, it’s certainly not MY kindergarten either.

One of the reasons we moved from California to Ohio was the school systems here. I had always heard so many horror stories about the schools in L.A. and really didn’t want my girls to go through any of that nonsense. I want them to have the best education possible and knew this was the place to be.

And the school system where we live is one of the best in the state. So I’m pretty sure they’re in good hands.

How good? Well, maybe a little too good. Maybe. I’m helping my five year old daughter prepare for an oral presentation on Canada. It must be three to four minutes in length. And she must have visual aids.

When I was in kindergarten, I played with blocks.

See the difference? Sheesh! An oral presentation in kindergarten? I suppose she’ll have to complete her Ph.D. dissertation by the fifth grade?! I ran around in circles and rammed my head into walls at her age. I didn’t have to stand up in front of a class and give a freakin’ speech!

Is it too much for a five year old? Some say, “Hey, let ‘em be kids for a while longer!” And others say, “They need to be prepared earlier and earlier and need to know so much more.” What do I say? I’m a bit torn. I like it and I don’t. But I’m leaning more toward liking it, I guess.

When I was going through school, I had good and bad experiences. Good and bad teachers. I learned a lot and I was borerd out of my skull. It’s the boredom I’m the most worried about for my girls. Being bored in school can get you into a lot of trouble. And I was usually in trouble all the time. I think my elementary school principal had my mom’s number on speed dial.

I certainly wasn’t anything special in school but I did need more challenges. I guess I sort of became the class clown as I got older because I was so bored in so many classes. I even had two different teachers try to get my mom to have me skip a grade in school - but my mom refused. She didn’t want me to be too far ahead of friends, or something.

By the time I went to college, I had been phoning it in for so long through high school that I was in for a rude shock. I actually had to work! How dare they! I quickly adjusted and ended up on the dean’s list by the time I graduated college. But looking back on it, I can see now that I needed more when I was a kid.

So, I guess it’s okay that my daughter is giving speeches to the kids in her kindergarten class. Maybe she needs to be challenged to keep her on her toes. To keep her from getting bored.

I mean, she’s already reading. She’s starting to write. She’s even started on addition and subtraction. At 5. When I was that age, I think picking snot balls out of my nose was the most challenging part of my day.

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” - Woody Allen