Will They Send Us Someplace Special? Evil Parent Hell?
Published April 4th, 2007 in L.A. Mommy, L.A. Toddler, It's Really Just All About Me....It’s almost time for L.A. Toddler’s 3rd birthday. She’ll be turning 3 years old on Sunday. And we are evil parents who, if hell exists, will burn in hell. Of this I am sure. Let me explain…
L.A. Toddler’s boyfriend best friend had his third birthday party last Saturday. We went to the party and everybody had a great time. We took pictures and video. They had the Clifford the Big Red Dog jumper - and a jumper is absolutely mandatory for any L.A. birthday party. Even the 80 year olds.
There was birthday cake, balloons, hot dogs on the grill. The works! We were exhausted when it was all over. L.A. Toddler fell asleep on the way home from the park. It was at this moment that I hatched my evil and nefarious plan. You see — L.A. Mommy and I are too damn tired. We’ve got another little ankle-biter on the way. And we’re not rolling in cash. You with me?
I put my suggestion out there. Tested the waters, as it were… L.A. Mommy had just asked me, “What are we going to do for her birthday? We can’t top that. Especially not on short notice…”
“Well,” I started. “What is your very first memory? How old were you?” L.A. Mommy tells me she was roughly three or four years old and I let her know it was the same for me. The first thing I remember: I was three years old and I was getting my tonsils removed. Major surgery can really stick in your memory, can’t it?
Soooo. I tell her that our dearest and only daughter really won’t remember her birthday party anyway - no matter what we do, right? Right? I said, “Why don’t we come back to this park, next weekend, and have a picnic. We’ll let her open her presents and we’ll eat some cake and… head on home.” L.A. Mommy thinks that’s a decent idea but still feels bad about not having a party.
I hold up the digital camera and the video camera bag. I remind her that we’ve already got her 3rd birthday party recorded. It was a wonderful affair! Lots of people came. We had a Clifford the Big Red Dog jumper! There were balloons and cake! “You had a great time, dearest daughter of mine!”
“What? You don’t remember your 3rd birthday party? Let me pull out the DVD and the photo album. I’ll show you…”
I told you. We’re evil and we’re going to burn for it.
18 Responses to “Will They Send Us Someplace Special? Evil Parent Hell?”
- 1 Trackback on Apr 15th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
- 2 Pingback on Apr 7th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
OK, I literally laughed out loud, here.
It reminds me of my friend who lived in New Orleans. Her kids were aware that there was a nice zoo in town, but, she didn’t want to haul 3 little ones there, so, she used to tell them pet store in the mall was the zoo.
Oh my gosh. You are TOO funny.
I love the idea. And I wish I had the guts to do that myself… But alas, I do not.
But here’s a suggestion (if you do decide your little one needs an official party): Do a joint birthday party with another family. That way you get to have a “party” but at 1/2 the cost and fuss. Oh, and doing it at a park is super easy. Just throw some table covers down, a tarp to sit on, and some bubbles!
Hope I was helpful. If not, I think your idea is at least really funny!
-Briana
I think this is pure brilliance. Birthday parties for kids under the age of 5 or 6 seem pretty rediculous to me. As you said, “you can never top that.” It just seems to be that: a competition to prove who loves their kid more by spending 2 months worth of mortgage payments on something “for your kid” when they won’t remember it! A nice picnic in the park and a few $100 in a savings account will be appreciated a lot more in the long run. (And for the record, I’m not saying total denial of parties and treats and such, just keeping that perspective.)
In my daughter’s playgroup we have a monthly birthday party where all of the birthday-kid parents plan and organize a nice group party for their kids that month and we celebrate those 5-6 kids all at once with no gifts. Only one party per month at 1/4 or 1/5 the cost, and everyone keeps each other in check for prices and such. It’s so much less stressful, the kids have a blast, we have plenty of photo ops, we don’t end up with a ton of presents (toys) we dont’ really NEED (just the toy/favor that all the kids get plus one nice gift at home from us and whatever the grandparets over-do).
So, yea, if that’s grounds for parent hell I’m soooo with you.
You ARE an evil genius!
Two suggestions from me. 1 - Delete this blog entry so she never stumbles on it in the future. 2 - Make sure she’s wearing the same shirt.
Too funny! But yeah, they’re gonna start heating up the ovens for you down there.
I actually do remember my third birthday. The only reason, though, is because my baby sister came home with my mom from the hospital that day. I don’t remember my sister coming home, but I do remember my mom being there and that being a big deal. Oh, and I remember licking an icing flower off the birthday cake. That’s all I’ve got. That’s the only birthday I remember until like my 8th or 9th, though, so you’re probably safe with a simple picnic =)
Dude, I’m all for it. We’re not much different. We didn’t give our son anything for birthday/Christmas/Easter/etc for his first three years. He has three sets of grandparents and four aunts & uncle. He doesn’t know the difference.
What they find out later… will only help them be more deceitful when they become parents.
Pure genius!
But I’d have to agree with LA Mommy — I’d have tremendous guilt too but then I’d probably just forgo a party all together. That’s pretty evil in itself too!
You are an evil, evil man.
I love it.
And, you won’t have to pay for her therapy bills either so no skin off your back, huh?
Absolutely the best idea ever.
the fact that you want to take her to something that resembles a party is problematic. THe idea is jsut to ignore it. Of course, maybe three is the cusp of cognition.
But in the end, you won’t really do that because you’ve written it here.
Ahhh, the problems with a blog.
I hear they have great jumpers down there.
Too cunning for words. As an added bonus you can use that trick for mothers day and parents birthdays. All you need is photoshop.
“What? you don’t remember it? Well, memory loss is a symptom of getting old I guess”
Ha! Great idea. We’ve always done really small parties. I’m always amazed at parents who rent out Gymboree and invite fifty guests for a birthday the kid won’t even remember.
HA HA HA HA HA! Total genius. You complete bastard! Bury this blog entry in a deep dark place (though is there such a thing on the internet?)
Very nice. We didn’t have a party for Baby Girl’s first birthday either, although people gave us crap about it. Seriously, like she’s going to remember it? Until you know enough to ask for a party and tell us who you’d like to invite, I don’t think you need a party.
And I’m happy that we won’t have to buy LA Toddler a gift now. After all, we we pitched in for that awesome bouncy house rental at her birthday party, right? Remember? A small price to pay for our silence, I think.
As long as the video camera is out, why don’t you tape next year’s birthday too? Just bring a change of clothes. If she ever asks why she didn’t grow in a year tell her it was the year that you couldn’t afford food or growing.
excellent