I Loves Me the Christmas!
Published December 5th, 2006 in It's Really Just All About Me..., Holidaze.Ah, December! My most favoritest, bestest time of the year! Why? Because of Christmas, silly!
It’s the chance to be a kid again. It’s a time of traditions and memories. And it means you could get some really cool stuff from Santa under your Christmas tree!
What I love:
- My Dean Martin Christmas CD
- My favorite Christmas movie - Diehard
- The music video with David Bowie & Bing Crosby singing The Little Drummer Boy and Peace on Earth
- Orange gumdrops and bowls full of walnuts
- That I still wake up early, filled to the brim with excitement that it’s Christmas morning
- Reading ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas to L.A. Toddler and L.A. Mommy on Christmas Eve
- A roaring fire, a glass of wine, and watching It’s a Wonderful Life for the umpteenth time
What I miss:
- The smell of pine
- Visiting all the families back in Ohio on Christmas Day
- Snow. Not the kind you drive in or shovel off the driveway. I’m talkin’ about the fluffy white stuff in the trees and covering the houses in the Christmas cards and L.L. Bean catalogs, with a horse-drawn sleigh and silver bells a-jinglin’
- My mom giving me underwear for Christmas. That’s the only time a man will ever get new underwear. When his mom buys it for him. For Christmas. Sometimes for birthdays.
What I hate:
- I love giving gifts but I hate, hate, hate trying to find a parking space at the malls around Christmas time. I really should get more organized and buy online
- That I’m older and that I like the fact that I get more clothes than toys.
- I can’t stand that people are usually nicer to everyone around Christmas but the attitude fizzles away come January… except the other people also trying to park at the mall - they’re still cocksuckers because they try to steal the space I’m waiting for… with my turn signal on
- Advertising campaigns that make me feel guilty because I’m not taking out a third mortgage to pay for expensive shit that most American can’t afford
- Credit card statements in January
- That I still don’t know what Auld Lang Syne means…
Funny story. I’m a known procrastinator when it comes to shopping for the holidays. I mean, hey, that’s why stores are OPEN on Christmas Eve, right?! Well, back in Ohio, before L.A. Mommy and I moved out to California, I was doing my usual last-minute shopping. On Christmas Eve. Of course.
As I was coming out of the store, I noticed that the mall had set up a booth for Free Gift Wrapping! And, I’m telling you, if you’ve ever seen my clumsy, ham-fisted efforts at wrapping presents, you know this is exactly the kind of service I need. So, I get in line for my bonus gift wrap. As soon as I do, someone comes along and puts the “velvet rope” up behind me, essentially shutting off the free gift wrap line and making ME the last person in line.
You see where this is going right? I’m the last one in line. The people in the mall shut off all the lights. It takes longer than I thought it would. I finally get up to the counter and they wrap up my purchases. Store managers have shut down their stores and are heading home.
When I get my wrapped goodies back, I head for the door. And I’m stopped by a TV news crew. A woman and her cameraman interview yours truly because… yep… I’m officially the very last shopper in Columbus, Ohio. Of course, it’s great news fodder that I’m a man. A man buying presents for his then-girlfriend. And my ugly mug is plastered all over the 6 and 11 o’clock news broadcasts.
I’m now offiicially the laziest man in the city.
How bad does that suck? My phone didn’t stop ringing for like 5 hours. Everyone and their mother had to call me to rub it in. No “Merry Christmas” greetings, just an earful of raucous laughter and humiliation. Family and friends.
It was horrible. But I still loves me the Christmas. Cheers!
What do you love, miss, and hate?
11 Responses to “I Loves Me the Christmas!”
- 1 Pingback on Dec 7th, 2006 at 11:37 am
- 2 Pingback on Dec 14th, 2006 at 7:53 pm
OMG - I thought my husband was the only one that got underwear from his mom, every stinking year!
Dean Martin! Dude, we are ‘brothers’…
I like the decorations, the snow (on TV, not around my house), and now - watching my daughters reaction to decorations (and costumed Santa’s in the mall)
I love looking out at the snow.
I hate driving in the snow.
I love setting up the Christmas tree, lights, and assorted decorations.
I hate hate hate taking them down just because they never seem to fit back in the boxes I took them out of!
I love giving fun toys and games to my kids.
I hate that nobody ever gives ME fun toys and games anymore.
I love that I don’t have to listen to the hot Santa Ana Winds on Christmas morning anymore.
I hate having to figure out where to put all the new stuff my kids are going to get from their grandparents this year.
I love the cookies and treats.
I hate that my clothes won’t fit right for weeks after.
I love watching Home Alone, Charlie Brown Christmas, and Polar Express with the kids.
I love watching Christmas Vacation with my wife.
I love egg nog ice cream.
I hate pumpkin ice cream.
I’d always liked Christmas a lot, then it kinda faded somewhere in the late teens…
Now that there’s a little one to buy presents for, I LOVE IT AGAIN SO MUCH! I can’t help but get excited every time I think about it.
I am such a child sometimes.
Hilly - Men don’t buy underwear. The women who love them do. It’s just a part of nature. I don’t understand.
Creative-Type Dad - Deano is the coolest. I’ve got a burned X-mas disc that has nothing but Dean, Frank, Bing, and Nat on it. It just oozes cool.
Phil - Great list! I totally forgot about Christmas Vacation! Got to add that to the list.
Jonathon - I went Christmas Toy shopping for L.A. Toddler last night. It was so much fun to buy toys for her. It was so exciting to have a reason to be back in those toy aisles again.
You needed a reason to go down toy aisles? I’ll be glad when I can go down toy aisles with people looking sideways at me.
Fav flicks: It’s A Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, and Die Hard
Fav song: The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping
Least fav thing: Shopping crowds
Love - Dudelet’s response to Xmas - each year, he gets more and more hyped up about it (he’s nearly three) and this year, it’s a REALLY big deal.
How he gets us engaged with the whole fun side of it.
PRESENTS! I’m venal, materialistic and shallow when it comes to Xmas. And I don’t care who knows it. And I do love giving them.
Hate - Shopping! The dark side of presents. Office Xmas Card politics
Miss - OK. I just thought about that. But I really need to get over knowing that I’ll never be three again. Especially since every now and then, I actually do get to be, these days.
Totally there with you on the TOP 3! Dean, Diehard, and David & Bing!
We also HAVE to read “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”; of course, after all these years I no longer need the book, by sheer rote I have memorized the story.
BTW, Auld Lang Syne means: “Old Long Ago”
Hmm, I gerw up Jewish in LA, so I don’t really miss the cold. After 10 years in the midwest and east, I am confirmed in my view that snow is something you should go visit, not live in.
A question - why do people put wreaths on the front of their cars? To me it looks like someone has hit a caroler. Festive, huh?