760 miles today.

I can’t feel my ass. I’m sure it still looks great, I just can’t feel it.

We drove for 14 hours and I’m typing this from my hotel room in St. Louis. It’s 12:38am.
But, the good news? Besides the fact that it didn’t SNOW on us anymore? (Let me start by stating that I only brought shorts and T-shirts with me for the trip — it is the month of MAY after all!)

We made it safely from Amarillo. And the rain that inevitably hits Columbus, Ohio for the Memorial Golf Tournament every year followed us all the way. Every. Single. Mile.

Oh, yeah… the good news. Only 375 miles tomorrow.

The bad news? After we get there… we’ve got a ton of crap to unload into our empty apartment.

L.A. Mommy and the girls all made it safely in, via Southwest airlines, on Tuesday. They’re all set up at a friend’s house and are sleeping comfortably. And I STILL can’t feel my ass. I got a raw deal on this adventure.

L.A. Mommy’s brother (Ohio Brother?) has been a real trooper through all of this. He helped us pack, load the truck, and he’s been driving the moving van (towing my car) the whole way. I think I’m gonna owe him a trip the airport after this…

My driving tunes have been the one saving grace. Thanks to everyone who made such wonderful suggestions.

Alright. Time for sleep. I would tell you more but I can’t figure out a way to type without more ass abuse.

Well, the first day of moving is done.

I wanted to leave at 9am on Monday. I left at 3pm.

We arrived safely in Flagstaff at a prompt 2am…

When I had dinner, in Needles California, around 8pm, is was 80 degrees.

When I arrived in Flagstaff, it was 36 degrees. And when I woke up this morning, I found this:

It was Mother Nature’s little reminder that I was moving back to the Snow Belt.

More adventures to follow…

I’m stuck in Moving Hell, but wanted to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there before I get back to packing up our house.

We leave tomorrow morning for our long journey across country and we’re about halfway packed up (and only have a third of a truck left… but we’re not panicking. Yet.)

Enjoy your day, moms. I won’t.

Sometimes kids are as good at hiding their emotions as adults.

Moving is a huge life change… especially for a very young girl. It means leaving the only house you’ve ever known, leaving friends, school, and more.

We’ve taken our time and tried to explain everything to her. I mean, it’s not like we just started packing up shit without letting her know why. We give details and dates and gentle reminders. She always tells us she’s okay with everything, but we’re finally figuring out that this may not be true…

The other day we were sitting in the car and L.A. Toddler asked me, “Daddy, if we move to Ohio… who will come to my birthday party when I turn five?”

Insert hand into chest, grab heart, yank fast.

Another time, she asked when we would be coming back to California. I told her that we are moving there and we would probably be there for a long time. She was silent and turned to look out the window. A while later, she informed me that she really likes California and doesn’t like Ohio so much.

It really is getting to her. More than she would ever let on. Where she gets that… I have no idea. Ha.

Every time she comes home from daycare, another part of the house has been packed up by me and she inevitably asks, “Where did that go?” Each time, I tell her things are being packed away because we’re moving. She never really responds… other than to suck her thumb or ignore the answer completely…. so I never know what’s going through her mind.

I know that she’ll be able to handle it all, that she’ll move on once we’re there and settled in, and that she’ll probably forget all about California in a few years… but I still don’t like what she’s going through. Especially when I know that she’s just like me and pretends that none of this is any big deal.

And it is.

Thanks to everyone who sent a picture to win a free printer and Presto service for three months. There’s still a chance to enter before L.A. Toddler picks tonight!

Here’s the post, in case you’re wondering. Also, even if you don’t win… you are eligible for a $25 discount on the unit just for entering.

It’s a great way to keep in touch with folks who are technologically-challenged or don’t have Internet access.

Send me a favorite photo of a loved one and your have a great chance to own a Presto setup!

SPEAKING OF PHOTOS:

I should probably take my camera with me when I go pick up L.A. Toddler. I received a panicked phone call at work this morning. It seems Little Miss Thing had a piece of gum with her (probably because I gave it to her… but you didn’t hear that from me) and refused to throw it away when she got to day care.

Naturally, it got stuck in her hair at some point during all the drama.

They asked me what to do. I deferred to L.A. Mommy (whom I was hoping had some secret mom-recipe for removing gum from a kid’s hair) and she told them to cut it out.

I really hope she doesn’t have a nasty bald spot on the side of her head. We’ll see.

What does one do when one is moving out of state in a mere 8 days? Why, one goes… sailing!

That’s exactly what L.A. Mommy, L.A. Baby and I did on Saturday. It was our last Los Angeles adventure before getting back to the task at hand. We figured we’ve been working very hard over the last few weeks and deserved a glorious break on the high seas.Our host was the lovely and amazing Kim (from over at House of Prince) and her hubby, Stew. They’ve taken me out before, last summer, and we’ve been talking for months about going out again before we leave town. After talking about our limited options at the going away party, we decided this past Saturday was our best shot.

We both needed it, too. Stress from packing and moving across country has really been eating away at us. Sitting on a 29 foot sailboat, gently rocking on the waves, and talking with incredibly smart and funny people has a tendency to take your mind off your troubles.

With no sitter for our littlest bundle of joy, we decided to take her with us. She really enjoyed being on the water. There was too much going on in front of her young little eyes. But when she did nap, she was a happy camper. Those waves can really put you under.

We sailed up to the Santa Monica pier, zipped around the buoy (filled with seals catching some rays) and headed back to shore. It was a short but sweet trip along the Pacific.

Thanks much to Stew and Kim for our last hurrah!  Now… back to packing. We leave a week from today. Ugh.

So, we had a little Going Away soirée on Saturday night… We’re talking your average teenage orgy here. Chips, dips, chains & whips, dontchaknow?

And I’m still recovering. Which is good.We had a great turnout of our California friends - - both the old and dear kind and a few of our newer pals. It was a lot of the usual suspects who came out for the L.A. Blogger Party as well as my birthday bash in December. In fact, I probably could have just used the same pictures.

We had a few no-shows and a few surprise visitors. I feel bad for the folks who couldn’t make it — they won’t ever get to bask in my glory again and that just can’t be good for the soul. N’est pas?You know how they say that March can come in like a lion and go out like a lamb? That’s pretty much how the party went for me. It started with a real mess. I was riding my motorcycle up the very, very (mondo very) steep driveway of the house and I hit a patch of moss. I slid and the bike fell on… well, me. The good news is - - the bike is fine. Me? I’ve got a hole in my leg and a few scrapes and scratches.

So, I’m bleeding to death when people begin to arrive. Which is always a great way to start any party! Boo-yah! It’s not a bash until the blood is flowing! But after many liquid painkillers, a new set of clothes brought by L.A. Mommy, and an ice pack I was back on my feet in no time.

I tried to mix and mingle with as many people as I could. I wanted to get in conversations about… whatever… just so it could all feel normal again. For a little while.

I decided not to take any shots of all “cool kids” in the hot tub at 2 a.m. There may be children reading this… So, instead, I’ll just give you the picture of L.A. Mommy and Toddler in the hot tub — the next morning (while I was cleaning up. I wuz robbed…)

By the end of the night, I was tired and sore and happy and sad. It was a great night and I was so happy I got to spend quality time with such extraordinary people. People that make me laugh, make me think, make me work harder, and generally be a better person.

I’ll miss you all…

While moving away from L.A. will be bittersweet, I’m happy about the fact that the family will be closer. My mom has made it out several times and so has L.A. Mommy’s dad. But they’re both getting older and making the long trip is never easy. In fact, both have just had surgeries and her dad hasn’t even had a chance to meet L.A. Baby yet.

We can all talk on the phone and send pictures, but it’s not the same. Being able to Know my grandparents, when I was kid, was great. Now we’ll be able to give them all more time together. Plus, we can make ‘em babysit. For free. Which is nice.

I bought my mom a computer back when L.A. Toddler was born. I wanted to be able to email pictures to her. But she’s not always the most technologically advanced person on the planet, so it’s been hit or miss. She has mastered e-mail and can download the pics. Finding them AFTER she’s downloaded them, however, is a different story.

As for L.A. Mommy’s dad… it wasn’t really an option. He’s old school. I’m always asked to review products. Most of the time I say no to unless I can try to make it a funny review or at least informative. But when I heard about a service called Presto, I jumped on the chance to check it out.

It’s a way to send pictures and emails to loved ones who might think that a computer is Satan’s evil plaything. And it’s been a life saver for us. I received an HP printer in the mail and sent it off to her dad in Ohio. We pay a monthly service fee and it gives us an email address to send stuff to him (less than $10 a month, which is lower than most ISP services.) It formats anything we send automatically and no spam can be sent. You can even choose the times that it delivers and prints the emails or pics. And there’s no limit to how much you can send them each month.

Pretty cool service. We’ve been using it for about 6 months now.
And, Presto is giving me one to give away to a visitor to my site!

So, if you’re interested and you’ve got a family member or close friend who hates computers but loves getting photos and emails from you, I’ll make sure they send it out…. and give you three free months of service.

I can’t really come up with good contest ideas because I never have to do it. So… if want one - - email me your favorite photo of your favorite subject (your kid, your house, your car, your best friend, etc.) I’ll have L.A. Toddler choose a picture at random (unless you send me a dirty picture or something… Then I would have to hold a separate round of judging

Mothers Day is coming up and this could make a great present! Good luck!

Sometimes, people much smarter than we are can say things in a much shorter time than we ever will. And say it much better. Every now and then, iTunes will hit me with a song - at random - that pulls me out of whatever busy work I’m working on… and knocks me down a notch or two.

A song from Soul Coughing did me in tonight. Dropped me to my knees. I know, I know… it’s not really “writing” a blog post to give you the lyrics to someone else’s song. But not many people have every heard this song, so maybe - just maybe - the words will open up a window to what’s going through my mind. Tonight.

Exits to freeways, twisted like knots on fingers.
Jewels cleaving skin between… breasts.

Your Cadillac breathes four hundred horses over blue lines.
You are going to Reseda to make love to a model from Ohio whose real name you don’t know.

You spin like the Cadillac was overturning down a cliff on television.
And the radio is on and the radioman is speaking…
And the radioman says ‘Women were a curse.’
So men built Paramount… studios.
And men built Columbia… studios.
And men built…

Los Angeles.

It is 5 am, and you are listening… to Los Angeles.

And the radioman says, ‘It is a beautiful night out there!
And the radioman says, ‘Rock and Roll lives!’
And the radioman says, ‘It is a beautiful night out there… in Los Angeles.’

You live in Los Angeles

And you are going to Reseda; we are all in some way or another going to Reseda

Someday.  To die.

And the radioman laughs because the radioman fucks a model, too.

Gone savage for teenagers with automatic weapons and boundless love.
Gone savage for teenagers who are aesthetically pleasing - in other words… fly.

Los Angeles beckons the teenagers to come to her on buses; Los Angeles loves… love.

It is 5 am…  and you are listening… to Los Angeles.

I am going to Los Angeles to build a screenplay about lovers who murder each other.
I am going to Los Angeles to see my own name on a screen.

Five feet long and luminous.

And the radioman says, ‘It is 5AM’ and the sun has charred the other side of the world and come back to us
and painted the smoke over our heads an imperial violet.

It is 5 am.

And you are listening to Los Angeles.

You are listening…
You are listening…
You are listening…
You are listening…

…to Los Angeles.

Thanks to everyone who had a musical suggestion for my crazy-long-ass trip across the country. I welcome any other driving tuneage ideas you might have.

On Saturday, I made the trip over my local AAA office to get my travel plans out of the way. Now, I’ve got everything mapped out and I even have all my hotel reservations. We’ll be staying in Flagstaff, Amarillo, St. Louis and then we’ll be back in the good old Buckeye State.

The old saying goes, “It’s all about the journey and not the destination.” And whoever said that should have to make this drive for me.

Seriously.

I’m truly looking forward more to loading and unloading the truck than I am to driving a car for 4 days… All right. Enough complaining about it. I’ve just got to do it. I did it once before, after all. How bad can it be now? Of course, I was in my mid-twenties and had all the hopes and dreams of an optimistic youth dancing in my delusional eyes. Now, I’m a crushed and disappointed prodigal son limping back home with my tail between my legs.

Good times, good times…

But planning out our travel route is done. One more thing to check off what was a very long list. All my major hurdles are now out of the way. We’ve even signed our lease on our new townhouse back in Columbus.

All that’s left is the packing and loading. It’s a good thing the Bon Voyage party is coming up this Saturday. I could use a drink…